REVISED February 2, 2014
Forgiving is so full of
varied emotions for me personally. It
doesn’t just entail thinking of what someone has done or said to me, it
involves principles, values, integrity, personhood, safety, respect, on and
on. One of the first things that comes to
mind is that of why in the first place am I in a place of choosing to forgive
someone or some entity of something, after all, don’t civil people and
businesses treat others in a manner that is civil and respectful and lawful and
humane and in a way they would want their grandmother treated or the way they
would want themselves treated (that is if they value themselves and want the
best for themselves)? Heck yes is my
answer!
But sadly, so many
people and entities fall very far away from the statistical line of equal
positive value to equal positive value when it comes to fair and equal treatment. We no longer have integrity by our “word” of
promise, or “handshake” deal/contract or simple statement of promise. And written contracts – the loopholes folks
find to void them – amazing!
So, back to the issue of
forgiveness and my reason for stopping to pause and philosophy a bit first. Yes, I used to be naïve, thinking everyone
must be nice and trustworthy people.
Wrong! That childhood notion was
eliminated at a young age, yet I still clung to it in early adulthood holding
on to my fairytale hope in a utopian made up society of wonderful people.
Forgiving someone is
really or can be really complicated. I’ve
known some people who have found ways to forgive more easily and more quickly
than others and have known others who have held on to a hurt or something or
someone who hand “wronged” them and probably took it to their grave. What I’ve learned however; is that there must
be a middle ground to the issue of forgiveness, at the very least, in order to
provide a sense of sanity for oneself, so that the hurt does not cause caustic
illness in one’s body and psyche.
So, back to the treating
others the way you want to be treated.
Because I am a Christian believer, and have centered my life on this
faith since I was a very young child, I have strong beliefs based on the
Bible. The Christian Bible says to treat
others the way that you want to treated, which many people refer
to as "The Golden
Rule", as stated in scripture found in Luke 6:31. This is
such a great philosophy that we can embrace. "Do unto others as you would have them do unto
you." Simply,
if you want to be treated nicely, do the same to others. If you want to be treated like a jerk, do the
same to others.
To make a point to
others who may share a different faith, or those like some of my children who
research other religions, I want to point out that this simple phrase is echoed
in many religious beliefs, a universal
philosophy of integrity. In doing some research of my own, I found
the following:
Christianity
All things whatsoever ye would that men should do to you, do ye so to them;
for this is the law and the prophets.
Matthew 7:13
Confucianism
Do not do to others what you would not like yourself. Then there will be no
resentment against you, either in the family or in the state.
Analects 12:2
Buddhism
Hurt not others in ways that you yourself would find hurtful.
Udana-Varga 5,1
Hinduism
This is the sum of duty; do naught onto others what you would not have them
do unto you.
Mahabharata 5,1517
Islam
No one of you is a believer until he desires for his brother that which he
desires for himself.
Sunnah Judaism
What is hateful to you, do not do to your fellowman. This is the entire Law;
all the rest is commentary.
Talmud, Shabbat 3id
Taoism
Regard your neighbor’s gain as your gain, and your neighbor’s loss as your
own loss.
Tai Shang Kan Yin P’ien
Zoroastrianism
That nature alone is good which refrains from doing another whatsoever is
not good for itself.
Dadisten-I-dinik, 94,5
Adapted from "The Christopher
Newsletter"
However, I've said to
myself, 'Is it really worth trying to treat others the same way I would prefer
to be treated?', i.e. with kindness, compassion, patience, love, respect, not
rudeness or anything unbecoming of the Christ-like nature that our Lord expects
of me. Christ spells it out pretty clearly in the Apostle Paul's letter
to the Corinthians when he describes what LOVE (Charity)
is:
1 Corinthians 13 (New International Version, ©2010)
1 If I
speak in the tongues[a] of men
or of angels, but do not have love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging
cymbal.
2 If I have the gift
of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a
faith that can move mountains, but do not have love, I am nothing.
3 If I give all I
possess to the poor and give over my body to hardship that I may boast,[b] but do
not have love, I gain nothing.
4 Love is patient,
love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud.
5 It does not
dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no
record of wrongs.
6 Love does not
delight in evil but rejoices with the truth.
7 It always protects,
always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
8 Love never fails.
But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they
will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away.
9 For we know in part
and we prophesy in part,
10 but when completeness comes, what is in part disappears.
11 When I was a
child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.
When I became a man, I put the ways of childhood behind me.
12 For now we see
only a reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in
part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
13 And now these
three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
Well, then I take it a
step further and ask myself, ‘So what if
I forgive and it doesn't necessarily result in a positive outcome?’ I
can try to treat others with the Charity (or Love) that it speaks about (above)
in scripture, and be respectful, and try not to waiver from the kindness that I
would like to be given back in return.
But hey, what if I get taken advantage of by someone, mistreated,
robbed, whatever? Well, I can only do my
best, and I can only defend myself under the law the best that I can. In all the ways that I act, I must act in a
way that honors God. I make the choices
that God guides me to make, and take action to move forward.
I've learned that it is
emotionally healthier and spiritually more fulfilling if I "let it
go". I leave it up to our Lord to smooth over and heal whatever
issues I have within myself - and allow him to work within the other person's
heart to change or apologize. Too many tears or even anger has robbed me
of the JOY God gives in trusting him in all things.
Of course I am not a
perfect human being. However, through God's grace and patience I try very
hard to "let go" of comments and actions that hurt or offend
me. When I allow God to take care of my heart as well as take care of
others hearts, I do not take the burden on and let it manifest to a
deepness that is rotten. I remember that God is the ultimate judge and
harboring any feelings of ill will toward a person or entity hurts me more than
the offender.
Here are two scriptures
on JUDGING to make the point we all make mistakes at some point. I believe, once we do, it’s in our response to the
mistake, or sin, in how the outcome will affect the other person and will
affect us.:
Luke 6:41 "Why do you look at the speck
that is in your brother's eye, but do not notice the log that is in your own
eye?
John 8:7 But when they persisted in asking
Him, He straightened up, and said to them, "He who is without sin among
you, let him be the first to throw a stone at her."
MY POINT:
If we have done something that has caused some type of physical,
emotional, or financial harm to someone, something or some entity, aren’t we
responsible for our actions? We
are! We have an obligation to make
amends in some manner and show an act and behavior of remorse. Speak to the person, pay back the financial
harm, help them with the physical harm, help them or provide help for them in
the emotional, physical, financial or whatever way you’ve caused a
problem! It’s not that difficult. By doing so, then you have solved the issue
in making it an issue whether a person even needs to decide whether an apolgy
is worth being made or if it even needs to be let go. THE ISSUE IS MUTE, BECAUSE THERE NEVER WOULD
HAVE BEEN AN ISSUE TO CARRY FORWARD IF PROPERLY HANDLED IN THE FIRST PLACE.
PEOPLE, WE MUST BE MATURE AND TAKE RESPONSIBLE
FOR OUR ACTIONS. AND WE MUST TAKE
RESPONSIBILITY FOR OURSELVES AS WELL.
So back to the original question on forgiving. Is it worth it to
try to "let go"? YES. It is well worth it? Yes, because letting go let's God step
in. "Let go and Let God" is an appropriate phrase. Why
not let go? What do we have to lose? NOTHING. We only
gain a sense of well being, (that only our Lord and Savior can provide). If you have no religious belief, just think of it this way, when you release the harboring feelings of unforgiveness, you release the tension and you rid yourself of the thoughts taking up space in your memory popping up every now and then reminding you of something unpleasant in your life. Let it go. Release it and be done with one less burden. It's really well worth it.
It doesn’t change the circumstance
oftentimes, but it can release it from your shoulders as you lay it at Jesus’
feet and let him take the burden from you.
Try not to lift it back up and carry it around again. Let him work it out. Let him work it out in the other person’s
heart or in the entity’s business, whatever.
When it is appropriate
for you to talk to the person or address it to the entity, if you haven’t
already done so, then God will provide an avenue and prompt you in his own way
to let you know when the time is right.
If he wants it left unsaid, then you will know that as well. I can tell you that harboring the
unforgiveness and giving it time in your life is a waste of minutes and
emotions.
Remember this: "I Can Do All Things Through Christ Who
Strengthens Me" Philippians 4:13. AMEN!
