MOM – Grant Me the Serenity

I titled this post, MOM – Grant Me the Serenity, because my sweet mother hung that saying in the format of a sign in our childhood home and let me know that it was one of her favorite sayings.  Here is the complete saying (above and below), commonly known as the Serenity Prayer, by the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr (1892–1971)  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.

Our Mother, Dortha, was a unique person, as all mothers are.  She passed away almost four months ago, unexpectedly, without the chance of me being able to tell her that I love her in my own special way, or that I appreciate all that she has done for me, or any of the numerous thoughts or feelings I have had for her for so many years.  My moment of opportunity slipped right past me with the force of three horrible brain strokes that forever changed her life, her brain, and caused her life to end in a manner I was not quite prepared for.

Our sweet Mother

          

We were taught by Mom, and in our church and Sunday school classes that our life could end “in the twinkling of an eye” as the bible says in 1 Corinthians 15:52.   We always knew that life expectancy was, as Grandma Grace would say,  “until the good Lord wants to take us home to be with him in Heaven”.  Yet we knew as well that statistically a normal life span in our family was approximately 50 – 100 years, according to our family genetics (Grandma Grace passed away two years ago and she was just 2 months short of  being 103 years of age !)  However, even with this spiritual and logical knowledge, nothing really prepared me for the final loss of my beloved Mother.

Mom had a deep faith in our Lord Jesus Christ from the time she was a small child until the very last moment she breathed life.  As I’ve shared with others at her memorial service, and many before and since, she lived her life centered around her beliefs, her faith, her convictions and her Christian commitment.  She was a Christian woman who truly enjoyed studying God’s holy word – the Bible – taking notes from the time she was a teenager, usually in shorthand that she wrote in notebooks or steno pads.  One woman from her hometown church commented to me that one of her fondest memories of my Mother over fifty years was seeing her taking copious notes during sermons at church, knowing they were even written in difficult shorthand.  

Her strong commitment to live her life in a manner that would encourage others to believe in the Lord as well, drove her to silently influence others in a spiritually positive way and let her "light shine" to show her "good works" so that others would "glorify" the Father (Lord) as the bible says in Matthew 5:16.  She felt very strongly about not causing someone to stumble or sin by her actions (Matthew 18:8-9).  So much so, that she refused to drink any alcohol at all – zero – zip – nothing – not even a sip.  Mom had her personal reasons, and there was no one nor any reason to convince her otherwise.  

Mom had a way of influencing me that may not have seemed very grand at the time that her words or actions occurred, but the result of the influence made lasting changes in my life.  One very clear discussion we had together was when I was approximately 14 years old.  I remember that I was having a not so great day, and she picked up on my attitude.  No, I have no clue what I was saying, or how I was behaving, or what type of issues surrounded this particular discussion.  However, I do remember what she said:

“You have the ability to change your attitude at any moment, at any second.  It’s up to you.”

This comment forever changed the way I thought about how I behaved, how much power I had over my own emotions, how quickly a moment in time could change things, changing my own attitude could be impactful, and just how easy it could be to make that change.  When I was 35 years old, I came across another quote, by Charles Swindoll, that correlated quite well with my Mother’s statement 21 years earlier.  The poem is known as:

ATTITUDE

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.  Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.  It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think, say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.  It will make or break a company… a church… a home.  The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we embrace for that day.  We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play the one string we have, and that is our attitude… I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes”

It is delightful when a parent’s influence can be thought of as positive, not negative.  Yes, I say that because I was talking to someone the other day and we were saying in a joking way about blaming parents for this or that negative things in our lives.  When in fact, we must take responsibility as healthy adults, for the results of all our influences and choices.  I am very grateful that I had Christ-centered mentoring from my Mom.

Today, I added a graphic (below) post on my Facebook page in honor of my Mom.  The image expressed what I feel today in my grieving time for her.  The words said: 

“When someone you love dies, you never quite get over it … You just learn to slowly go on without them … But ALWAYS keeping them tucked safely within your heart.”

I often think of both Mom and Grandma Grace and how each impacted my life in different ways, both special, yet unique.  Grandma had a straight-forward yet gentle and loving  approach, wrapped up with cuddly warmness like a soft homemade quilt and warm peach cobbler on beautiful pink rose antique china.  Mom had a practical and logical advice style from a legal and analytical viewpoint coupled with a “What would Jesus do?” check and balance system, along with an "I know you can do it", "you’re strong", "come on over" and I’ll tell you about my latest read or women’s group and just get comfortable.  Each had a way of calming my nerves, building my comfort zone up to safety standards, giving me the freedom to be “me”, understanding and accepting my own uniqueness and differences, and loving me for them.

My husband and I have a new home with a very special corner garden we have designated as our “Memorial Rose Garden” in honor of our deceased mothers, Dortha and Pauline, and for my Grandma Grace.  We bought our house with gorgeous roses already blooming in the front corner of the yard and we are purchasing special items to memorialize our loved ones.  It will be a serene and quiet place to reflect on the lives of those we have loved.  His niece Kelly will also be remembered lovingly as well.

So, back to the God Grant Me the Serenity theme.  The memorial garden invites us to abide by the Serenity Prayer when thinking of loved ones, changing attitudes despite a situation or environment and engaging us in the prayer, being thankful for positive influences and grateful for getting through negative influences reminds us of the prayer.  

Mom had a way of teaching philosophy without labeling it as such.  To her it would have been just common sense, respect, good people skills, as well as  Christ like behavior.  

Thank you Mom.  I love you.  You will always be in my heart.  You will always be in my life because you have influenced me in ways I haven’t even discovered yet.  And thank you God for the Mom that you gave me.  Rest in peace Mom.

Blessings to you all.

Jeannette