ACTIONS SPEAK LOUDER THAN WORDS

I just love this phrase “Actions speak louder than words”.  It’s such a plain and simple sentence that tells me that what I do far outweighs anything that I could say in words alone.  The first example that comes to mind is to tell someone “I love you”.  However, if I were to treat the person unkind, ignore them to the point they felt uncomfortable being around me, speak to them in a very unloving manner, show them in other ways that I wasn’t very loving towards them; then my words of love toward them wouldn’t mean very much.  My actions would obviously take precedence over my words, thus, out weighing my actions.

So it goes when someone apologizes to me, but then repeats the same types of behaviors with similar types of apologies; the words of apologies takes second place to the repetitive actions or behaviors.

But it also goes for the positive things in our lives.  When we take actions on words that we say, it makes such an impact, it can really turn around a person’s day from perhaps a mediocre one, to a great one.  For instance, we may think, wow, that waitress did an amazing job for us during our meal.  So, we may follow through with a genuine verbal compliment to directly to her.  We may even take it a step further and take action and leave her a tip or perhaps ask for the manager and express our admiration for the great employee’s service to further advance praise about the waitress.

There have been experiences in my life that have blessed me in which others have taken action beyond just words and directed them to me.  Most times they have come when I least expect them, and many times from people I had no idea would express such kind actions or words to me.  Two specific examples were associated with my involvement with a women’s shelter, as a former resident.  The first as a Board member of the shelter, when another Board member commented that she would never had known that I was homeless and in a shelter at one time because “I was just like her (an employed professional)”.  That was a high compliment coming from a V.P. of Human Resources from a large Hospital.  She took her words and took action by speaking and showing me her admiration.  Another example connected to the shelter was that of another former resident who expressed her desire to be my “little sister” adoptee because of how I had changed her life and brought her back to her religion (Muslim; and I’m Christian!).  Her words and action – big, big, big hug and tears, blessed me beyond measure.

My life took a little turn around the time my uncle Pat passed away.  I remember thinking at that time that it was sad that such a wonderful man would not be on the earth to enjoy.  He was a happy man, so full of joy, he smiled so much of the time, seemed to have good things to say, positive attitude, just a joyful man, loved by his wife and three daughters and grandchildren.  I knew he would be missed by all that loved him.  Sitting at his memorial service, it was enjoyable to a point, hearing about all the wonderful attributes about my uncle.  But at the same time, I was struck by how important it must be to share with everyone I care about, the wonderful attributes they possess.  In the present, not at their memorial services.  Although very respectful, I felt it would be more respectful to share my admiration directly to them while they were alive. 

This was a turning point in my life.  It started me on a phase where I started sharing with my loved one more of my true feeling toward them, sharing my love, care, respect, fun stories, admiration, etc.  At the same time, I also felt a need to hear from them how they felt about me.  I needed their honesty, and wanted some lasting memories to fill me and to fill my memory book.

This brings me to one big point that I have been making with my family and friends for the past 10 years.  That is LET’S TELL ONE ANOTHER THE GOOD THINGS WE LIKE AND LOVE ABOUT ONE ANOTHER, THE FUN STORIES, AND OLD TIMES.  WHY DON’T WE SHARE THESE THINGS WHILE WE ARE LIVING?  NOT WHEN WE ARE GONE.  NOT AT OUR MEMORIAL SERVICES WHEN WE CAN NOT HEAR THEM, WE CAN NOT KNOW HOW OTHERS FELT ABOUT US IN ENDEARING WAYS.  SHARE THE LOVE, RESPECT AND APPRECIATION TO THE PERSON’S EARS NOW.  SHOW THEM WITH OUR ACTIONS NOW – NOT WHEN IT IS TOO LATE – WHEN THEY ARE DECEASED.

At my 50^th and 55^th birthday parties, I initiated them myself so that I could enjoy my friends and celebrate these milestone “growing older” birthdays without feeling depressed, but rather embrace them with my most special friends.  I asked each one of them to share a special memory or story with me about our relationship so that I had something I could put in my memory book to keep for years to come (no gifts were allowed! ).  What a blessings these friends gave me by taking action on their words and writing out their thoughts.  On my 55^th birthday, I asked if they would also give me a copy of their favorite 4x6 photo of themselves.  Oh, that was so much fun, and it such a joy to have that for my memory book.

For me personally, I would love it if my family and friends would:

·       Sing me a song

·       Write me a letter

o   Tell me directly something positive about me; about our relationship; about any impact I’ve made on your life

·       Tell me while I’m alive to hear, not at my memorial service

o   I really, really need heartfelt uplifting thoughts and stories

The story that I wrote about my mother for her 80^th birthday party with close family and friends, was lovingly well accepted by her and her guests.  She recently passed away in April 2013, and parts of this same 6 page story were used at both of her memorial services by two different men who gave eulogies.  It was such a blessing that she heard the accolades, funny stories and all of her accomplishments while she was alive.  It was also nice that those who attended her services also heard about mom’s life from the family’s perspective as well.

I am so very glad that mom was able to hear me read her story out loud to her at her 80^th birthday celebration among those who cared so deeply for her.  I can still remember seeing her facial expressions of happiness, joy, embarrassment, accomplishment, achievement, fortitude, girlish grin and so many more wonderful expressions of her personality.  It was so much fun watching her and listening to her laugh, and her responses, and her responses to others’ comments.  That story and my action of reading it to her at the party was my special gift to her, and it was also her gift to me, especially the JOY it gave her.  It was nice to see her listening to the story and watch her responses while she was alive.  At her memorial services, others added information to the stories afterwards, but believe me, hearing them while mom was alive was much more precious!

So, I encourage beginning some type of ACTION today to make your words greater.  Those of you who use Facebook as a means of communication: post a meaningful personal or board message declaring some wonderful thing about your friend or family.  Start a little movement: post a kind thought, and ask that others “pay it forward” to someone else.

Or better yet, send someone you care about a card and write a nice thought, story or endearment in it.  You would be amazed how little effort it takes to make someone feel special and loved.

My Aunt Eileen sent me a package with a lovely letter and copies of old childhood photographs, soon after my mother passed away a few months ago.  It was so unexpected and it was so lovely and loving.  She is extremely thoughtful.  After my Grandma Grace passed away a few years ago, she mailed me a handmade cross bookmark with “Amazing Grace” machine embroidered into an absolutely beautiful piece of art.  Her kindness and act of love was and is so very special.  Words would never be able to supersede her actions.  (Thank you Aunt Eileen.  I love you.)

Whatever it is that you decide to do to EXPRESS how you CARE about someone.  Or however you take ACTION in your lives to show others your WORDS are special, I know that it will have meaning and will cause someone to feel good.  But please consider taking that action now.  Do not hesitate.

ACTIONS REALLY DO SPEAK LOUDER THAN OUR WORDS.

Blessings on your day.

                                      Jeannette

MOM – Grant Me the Serenity

I titled this post, MOM – Grant Me the Serenity, because my sweet mother hung that saying in the format of a sign in our childhood home and let me know that it was one of her favorite sayings.  Here is the complete saying (above and below), commonly known as the Serenity Prayer, by the American theologian Reinhold Niebuhr (1892–1971)  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Serenity_Prayer:

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, The courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference.

Our Mother, Dortha, was a unique person, as all mothers are.  She passed away almost four months ago, unexpectedly, without the chance of me being able to tell her that I love her in my own special way, or that I appreciate all that she has done for me, or any of the numerous thoughts or feelings I have had for her for so many years.  My moment of opportunity slipped right past me with the force of three horrible brain strokes that forever changed her life, her brain, and caused her life to end in a manner I was not quite prepared for.

Our sweet Mother

          

We were taught by Mom, and in our church and Sunday school classes that our life could end “in the twinkling of an eye” as the bible says in 1 Corinthians 15:52.   We always knew that life expectancy was, as Grandma Grace would say,  “until the good Lord wants to take us home to be with him in Heaven”.  Yet we knew as well that statistically a normal life span in our family was approximately 50 – 100 years, according to our family genetics (Grandma Grace passed away two years ago and she was just 2 months short of  being 103 years of age !)  However, even with this spiritual and logical knowledge, nothing really prepared me for the final loss of my beloved Mother.

Mom had a deep faith in our Lord Jesus Christ from the time she was a small child until the very last moment she breathed life.  As I’ve shared with others at her memorial service, and many before and since, she lived her life centered around her beliefs, her faith, her convictions and her Christian commitment.  She was a Christian woman who truly enjoyed studying God’s holy word – the Bible – taking notes from the time she was a teenager, usually in shorthand that she wrote in notebooks or steno pads.  One woman from her hometown church commented to me that one of her fondest memories of my Mother over fifty years was seeing her taking copious notes during sermons at church, knowing they were even written in difficult shorthand.  

Her strong commitment to live her life in a manner that would encourage others to believe in the Lord as well, drove her to silently influence others in a spiritually positive way and let her "light shine" to show her "good works" so that others would "glorify" the Father (Lord) as the bible says in Matthew 5:16.  She felt very strongly about not causing someone to stumble or sin by her actions (Matthew 18:8-9).  So much so, that she refused to drink any alcohol at all – zero – zip – nothing – not even a sip.  Mom had her personal reasons, and there was no one nor any reason to convince her otherwise.  

Mom had a way of influencing me that may not have seemed very grand at the time that her words or actions occurred, but the result of the influence made lasting changes in my life.  One very clear discussion we had together was when I was approximately 14 years old.  I remember that I was having a not so great day, and she picked up on my attitude.  No, I have no clue what I was saying, or how I was behaving, or what type of issues surrounded this particular discussion.  However, I do remember what she said:

“You have the ability to change your attitude at any moment, at any second.  It’s up to you.”

This comment forever changed the way I thought about how I behaved, how much power I had over my own emotions, how quickly a moment in time could change things, changing my own attitude could be impactful, and just how easy it could be to make that change.  When I was 35 years old, I came across another quote, by Charles Swindoll, that correlated quite well with my Mother’s statement 21 years earlier.  The poem is known as:

ATTITUDE

“The longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life.  Attitude, to me, is more important than facts.  It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think, say or do.  It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill.  It will make or break a company… a church… a home.  The remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we embrace for that day.  We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way.  We cannot change the inevitable.  The only thing we can do is play the one string we have, and that is our attitude… I am convinced that life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.

And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes”

It is delightful when a parent’s influence can be thought of as positive, not negative.  Yes, I say that because I was talking to someone the other day and we were saying in a joking way about blaming parents for this or that negative things in our lives.  When in fact, we must take responsibility as healthy adults, for the results of all our influences and choices.  I am very grateful that I had Christ-centered mentoring from my Mom.

Today, I added a graphic (below) post on my Facebook page in honor of my Mom.  The image expressed what I feel today in my grieving time for her.  The words said: 

“When someone you love dies, you never quite get over it … You just learn to slowly go on without them … But ALWAYS keeping them tucked safely within your heart.”

I often think of both Mom and Grandma Grace and how each impacted my life in different ways, both special, yet unique.  Grandma had a straight-forward yet gentle and loving  approach, wrapped up with cuddly warmness like a soft homemade quilt and warm peach cobbler on beautiful pink rose antique china.  Mom had a practical and logical advice style from a legal and analytical viewpoint coupled with a “What would Jesus do?” check and balance system, along with an "I know you can do it", "you’re strong", "come on over" and I’ll tell you about my latest read or women’s group and just get comfortable.  Each had a way of calming my nerves, building my comfort zone up to safety standards, giving me the freedom to be “me”, understanding and accepting my own uniqueness and differences, and loving me for them.

My husband and I have a new home with a very special corner garden we have designated as our “Memorial Rose Garden” in honor of our deceased mothers, Dortha and Pauline, and for my Grandma Grace.  We bought our house with gorgeous roses already blooming in the front corner of the yard and we are purchasing special items to memorialize our loved ones.  It will be a serene and quiet place to reflect on the lives of those we have loved.  His niece Kelly will also be remembered lovingly as well.

So, back to the God Grant Me the Serenity theme.  The memorial garden invites us to abide by the Serenity Prayer when thinking of loved ones, changing attitudes despite a situation or environment and engaging us in the prayer, being thankful for positive influences and grateful for getting through negative influences reminds us of the prayer.  

Mom had a way of teaching philosophy without labeling it as such.  To her it would have been just common sense, respect, good people skills, as well as  Christ like behavior.  

Thank you Mom.  I love you.  You will always be in my heart.  You will always be in my life because you have influenced me in ways I haven’t even discovered yet.  And thank you God for the Mom that you gave me.  Rest in peace Mom.

Blessings to you all.

Jeannette